theroosittingcrossleggedhherbuttagsunstrachelscast
barelyfivenutespassedhouteitherkara
………………………………
第79节
oranursestopping
in
santhaorrow
ing
hopestraightenedherlegsandslidoffthebedherboot**the
floorgettingstufffroheotherroothisroobr 》
uldbeanyones”shestrodeintothehall
”sheshouldntdothat；”santha
baedicineraightenedhe
sidetoside”thatisthe
pointbutthentheresrphyslaove
everythinghere；shellbereadytoveback
holdthefort；”hesaidandleft
rachelsbreathingained
santhatothedoorandlookeddohehalljustasjacktued
intoraintheotherdirection；severalnurses
ered；headstogetherlydia
backatthebed；shecurledherfingersovertherailjustthinking
aboutthefiasoftheproshefeltlostandsickandscaredthe
bestpart；thebestpart；eshedidntknoany
oftheotherdadsiveashershadbeenso
itaybeheeforherif
hedbeenaybeifrachelwokeup
hewouldbegoneagain
but；boy；ithadbeenniinded
heroftisbeforethedivorce
thebluetintaroundraery
”ogod；reerhalloes
hersheyskissesandakeup
outoffoodloringandflourbluelipspurplelips””sa
sheknotosay；shetuedrightbackto
rachelillthereany
ingthe
sahorrorsanthahadfeltseeinghertherlikethisforthefirst
ti
”ething”santhatheivpole”itsup
thereoforittowork”
”oh”shesaroundherddle”doesshekno
lastnight””youan；didtellinghercausethis”it
thevoteofnfidencesanthaneeded”no；lydiaihaventtold
hershedidthisallonherown
””youdonthavetogetangryshedbeupsetaboutlastnight；and
youknoanthalookedatherthen”doyoukno
lastnight””youetosayinfrontofyour”yeah；
ietibetterwhen
sheuldntspeak
lydiakepthereyesonrachel”youtoiansbutleftthereh
teagueandgotsosloshedyoupassedout；sohedroveyouhoat
least；thatsteaguesaidbacktothepartyheended
uparissafoarkchill
rksandasusinhepioing”
”andtoldeveryohatstory”nightre
”toldandaandshellyandisittrue””no；itisnottruei
didntgetsloshedorpassout；andteaguedidnotdrivehohe
forrape；handsdo
nevergotpasttheattetedstageiranae
sloshedtryteagueandstonedfathere”
lydiaseyes””iedtocall
you；butididntthinkyoudcare”lydialookedsuddenlycloseto
tears；andtotallylikethesanthaloved”youre
stupid；youknohat”shecried
santhatosayshe；whenhopewalkedinloaded
dohcards；signs；andpicturesjackfollohvasesof
floontheothefloorand
openedherar
santhasaidtolydia；”urphyslato
help
”jack；unsophisticated；loyallydiastayedhe
uldnthelpbutthinkthatifsanthauldgothroughlifeh
friendslikethisone；sheainly
hadaroledelinhertherrachelhadfayeandcharlie；dinah；
jan；andelizashehadbridgefriends；andfriendsatthegirls
schoolshehadbenandshehadkatherinehoretuedhan
incrediblygoodlunch
stevebauerarrivednuteslaterhecheckedrachelschart；the
nitor；andtheivdripheliftedherlidsandstudiedherpupils
hecalledhea；thenleanedcloserandcalleditagainheleft
theroooorderanotherlungscaninutes；thenecessary
equipntthethreegirlsouttowalkaround
inthesun
heandkatherineedinthehall
hestuckhishandsinhispocketsandbleafrustratedbreath
”shellkeit；”katherineinsisted”therearetoonypeople
akeherlive”
”thepointisntjusttokeherliveitstokeherwakeupand
behoughtaboutfaithbligh”sheuld
whole
youaskedonceiddothenithinkidbedestroyed”
”ission”noi
uldnt”ethergazeitwasopen
and”barrassed
”nhasrisentotheoccasion；”shedeclaredthewordswereno
sooneroutofheruththanhereyesfle”oh；
n；”sherred；foldingheraronherchest
jackfolloevebauer；alteately
and
thereapritcheeks
”didisssothing”heasked
sheboadeastrangledsound”dontaskthisisso
nottherightti”hedisagreedifthatstrangledsoundshehad
dee”iuldusea
lift
kesle”she
kisserilehelikedthedoctor
theslefadedeant”ahtheoldbreast
thing”shesettledagainsttheagain
shekeptherarfoldedandhervoicelotrytotouch
thebutheatterofti”jack
triedtoigineheifhehoughtabout
raberedarrivingatthehospitalthat
ing；unpreparedforhehinkyoushouldtell
hiifit””byfeelyes
silineinearesalinetheres
adifference”
”thentellhiyoullbetoonervoustoe
………………………………
第80节
njoyit；ifyoudont”she
deanotherofthosestrangledsounds”yeah；hought
that；too；beforehekissedididnthavetitothinkofch；
itean；hedideverythingright”
”itschestry”
”itistryutilationcankilla
goodthing”shepressedherlipstogetherandthisgaze
”andyoudontoreatstake
thisti”shenodded
jacktriedtothinkofalltheenhehaddatedtheonesbefore
rachelhadntbeenanythingspecialtheonesafterhadbeennice
enough；butjillhefirsthehadviewedasafriendforawhile
hehadthoughtsheghtbeitbutsherachelpoorjill
katherine；either
hardtobelieve；buthelikedkatherinealottotallyasidefroll
thatshegavera；toolike
notellinghihingsheguessedshewould
norllytellonlyanotheranshedehieellikehisopinion
ttered；entfroanasstrongas
katherine
”theresananalogyhere；”hesaid；reachingouttotuckina
henleavingitbecauseitlookedsonicely
undone
”santhaanypartofheritoldherit
antha
thought；sothelossegoesforyouanyn
becauseofyouvebeenthroughisnthyour
while”
”easytosayyourenottheonebaringall”heunderstoodthatit
hadtobehardforkatherioopenherselftothekindofrejection
shehadalreadyexperiencedtallpart
ofaan；andprettyficklethings；dooitthey
sorenstantsois
th；andhursoisloyaltytruthfully
ifsteveeanretoyoung
guystheyreasyolidbelyingifidenieditbutstevesnot
akidhesbeenaroundtheblointhereh
rachel
hedoesnthavetobehereitssundaygiveaguylikethatthe
choicebetbo；
funny；loyal；beautifulaneon；katherine；no
ntesthell；idgoafteryouselfifistillinloveh
ainedunresponsivetotheclotbusterthe
sentinthepassageofairthroughher
lungs；andontheoutside；totheeyesandearsofthepeoplewholoved
her；thesytodidnteasethedoctorsaiditakelonger
heuchlonger
sittinghherthatafteoon；jackthoughtaboutlove；buthe
uldntrelatetoitintheabstract；onlyinspecificseighteen
yearsago；lovehadantspendingeveryfreenutehrachel
seventeenyearsago；itantkingnthlypayntsonasll
diandring
sixteenyearsago；itantrryingher；fifteenyearsago；havinga
child
nlikeaction；katherinehadsaidduringoneoftheirearliest
discussions
hehaddeitintoasenticargunt；butthetruthhathedid
likeaittedthathelovedrachel；heedtodo
sothingtalkingtoher；vingherar；applyingvaselioher
lipsorscentedlotiontoherlegsofthat
heedtobelievesheedthingstoberight
antha
throughherprookay；sohehadcanceleddoctoranddentist
appointnts；buttheyuldbedonelaterrightnoo
paintheneededtofraheneededtobuyac”lchapterty
thecarjackboughtechnicallyatruckitwasalarge；loaded；
fourhpolass；andifcharlie
avalonofflauntinghisney；hedidntcarehe
edthebestforrachelandthegirlshedidntknohe
hellhehadbustedhisbutttokeneyorinthehellhewas
savingitfor；ifnotthis
andheuldaffordithoudio
thatnighthehadntplannedonscrutinizinghisfinances；hadhooked
hislaptoptothedeorthesolepurposeoftransferringneyfrobr 》
oneaingreof
rachelspiecesthegirlsonce；and
santhae；hehadsanthapredrilling
holesandhopeapplyingitersaw
toringthenailsinoncethewood
indwandered
transferringneyhadputabuginhisearso；efor
abreak；hebacktothelaptopandaccessedotherofhisbank
rerdsafteranotherroundoflevelingandbracketingers；he
accessedhisinvestntacunts
hehadntdeliberatelysavedneyintheyearssincehisdivorcehe
silyhadntspentchhealsodisvered；severallinkslater；
thatsanfrancisrealestateeantthat
thevalueofhishousehadappreciatednsiderably
heed；fairlyartedh
nothing�ithlessthannothingoredintothe
equation�ehaddonewell
thatthoughtgavehihesakindofgoodfeelingthatkatherines
nfidinginhiad
herheaddoheable；hesenthertobed
santhaobeexhausted；given
shehadbeenthroughthenightbefore；buthesuspectedshewas
feelingsoofportantasvisitinghrachelwas；
afteraherewasprogress
shedidntsayanythingaboutthepaintingstheelvesgiventhe
strengthofherinitialobjections；heguessedthatoo
ch
heingspeakfor
itselfbythetishefinally；sixpaintings
beingdoneandreadytohang
alone；jacktoifulthing；lying
lorgrass；hthetopofitshead
andbodyoutlined；efurbacklitbythesunrachelhadgoo
thearcticthesuerbefore；estudyingthe
photographsshehadtaken；hewishedhehadbeenalonghefound
printsofal
po；foiledbysurroundingsthatlookedquietandserene；in
thosethingschlikebigsurhefeltrachelsappreciationinthese
prints；inherfieldsketches；inthetolifeh
her
………………………………
第81节
brushjackschallengeorenderthatappreciationinan
understatedbackdrop
shehadusedxeddiaforthisonendiainkforthedetailofeye
andzzle；acrylicforthefur；entalpatchesof
distantgrassthechoicerightshehadthatvisionhe
ohesitate；otouchthe
canvas；ifheulddoitjusticeor
thenhepicturedrachel；bluearoundthelipsandgaspingforair
ing；ingtodoitforher；hedugdeepinsideandbegan
alinguphalargebrushonthedistantgrasses；heuseda
lightber；andgreenhegaveit
depththhsepias
layeringacryliverovedinthe
grassesneutralinlor；buttexturedthoughrachelhadntput
floheychesseveral
photographsdepictedtheonflohe
froehindbythesun
didsheadded
itake；butnodecision；reallyhesaony
betalandplantlifeinabarrenlandtheflowerswerea
st
hestayedallttonbudshey
didntcapturethehaloeffectheed；heschedtoaepencil
hadulledtip；blendingthelineshhisfinger；thenatissue；
thenattonshere；heputascrapofpapertoweling
aroundtheendoftheshebudssatisfiedatlast；
hesteppedback
itoingfortwo
hoursandaanthasaidsheootiredfor
school
hopesaidsheedtobehrachelhecalledthehospital；
prayingthatrachelhadiroved；butshehadnt
hepushedhishandsthroughhishair”illberunningaroundtalking
otheryouinschool；anditwould
dondgoodtoknohereillpickyouuprightafter
youcanseeherthen”santhaarguedastheydrove；butheheld
firheneededtialonehthedoctorstoexpressfearsthathe
didntthegirlstohear
anthadidntbudgewherea
tinouspoutherewassheer
apprehension
hetriedtounderstand
hthis”
”theresalltheotherkidsandpandheatherandteague”
”teague；”hesaid；nitoringhislanguagehcare；”isnoth
yourspitasforpandheather；theyrenotchbetterifthey
sidelifeisaboutkingyoucangointhere
andtrytosalvagesothingandheatheroryoucanstick
hlydia”speak；hesaid；”itshardiknow”
”itsrtfying”
”yes”hesighed”butthesooneritsdone；thesooneritsdone
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