had”iylineofo
knophasisontherightsyllable”
priorities
rachel”husbanduldnthackit
heuldntlook;uldnttouchheuldntgetanerection”
”idonthavethatproble”nohedidntatleast;notright
then
”talkingsdifferentfrooing”hecuppedherfaceinthedark
”totrynonoolaughshe
halfbelievedthathewould
”ihaveafeelingyourbreastsbotheryourethantheyllbother;
”hesaidhsuchgentlenessthatherhacklesuldntrise
itstruckherthatheghtberight
”tusyouoff;
ill
that”heile;”well;
alsttheres”esican
;ican”hetookadeep;shakybreath”therespleasureto
hehadfronereentoftheprocess”heducked
hisheadandcaughtherlipsinakissthatstartedinnocentlyenough
butquicklyescalated
katherinedidntknoanagedtodoithehadherasintothe
thingasheshe
shouldnthavebeenabletofeel;giventhecircutances;buthedid
tastedivine
herbreastsshehey
there
butshehereshearing
nedtobeolivehsalinegranted;theproof
ofthepuddingheeatingbutshehadnevergottenthisfar
before
ybe;justybe;thingswerelookingup
………………………………
第96节
ruscfiiaptertorethanaguyhe
thought;heanalyzed;heunderstoodheingforrachelto
talkracheltotalkalkedfirsttook
thegreaterrisk
thethinghatifhedidnttakeanyrisk;hewassureashell
goingtoenduphthekindoflifehehadjusthadthatlifewas
gray;foggy;zzy;dait
rachelslifehaddepthithadlorandthsheuldaffordto
tospeakshehadlesstoloseiftheyneverdid
soit
thathisbrainsaidhisheartsaidthatheuldntbareall
hthegirlsthere;andhegirlsthere;katherinewas;
orcharlie;orfaye;andthenthegirlsk
eveninghotheastroadheinthe
aerofasettingsunthatgildedeboulders;layer
afterlayerofgreeninghillsthereoitsbeauty;a
softthesurftellher;askher;begher;itsaid;
repeatingitsssagehtherushofthewaves
atthebankofilboxes;hetuedoffthehighartedupthe
hillifthessagehadntalreadybeeningrainedinhithecanyon
thewoodswhenhe
cliedfrohecar;justthatnaggingellher;
askher;begher
zl”uh”hestoppedonthefrontporchsanthaandhopewere
alreadyinside”heyuh”hopecabacktothedoor
”sohishair;feelingasudden
direneed”gosasanthacaupbehindhope
”listen;canyoutforyourselvesfora
babies;”santhasaid;butkindly”whereareyougoing”hewas
alreadyheadingba
”thedrivebaelaseasythesunsettheroadgrew
darkerhetuedonhisheadlights;buttheydidntshohe
neededtodoituntilhepassedthehighlandsandsahe
lightsofcarlacrossthebaythathehadaclue
rachelhoveredonthebrinkoftearsheachhourthatpassed;the
realityoftheaccident;thea;andthebloodclotsankindeeper
shehadneverbeenoodortality;butitwashard
nottonoanshethoughtabout
katherineandaboutfaithjustpicturingtheaveherstrength
sotherehat;andthegirls;andherkandjack
andrejacksheryingtoprocessallshehadbeentoldabout
hitryingtofigureoutandsheliked
puttingthingsinpilesshedidntcareifthereesshina
pile;aslongasthereblanceoforder;piletopile
sincethedivorce;shehadkeptjackinapileofhisoa
neatpiledozensofthoughtsandetionslyand
highforthestpart;shenagedtokeeptheeparatefrohe
restofherlifetheoccasionalspilloverained
thatwashowshesurvived
nohough;jackteredeveryouchedthegirlshe
touel;touchedthehousein
bigsur;touchedduncanandfaithhetouchedherwork
lsheessingthings
up
sheuldntunthoseotherpeopleandthings
thenheappearedatthedoortoherroondherheartvedrightup
toherthroatshesitdidntbudge
”hi;”hesaidafterseveralsendsonthethreshold;heca
inside
”idroppedthegirlsbackho”heputhishandsonhishipsand
lookedaroundtheroothenhiseyesretuedtohers
saysothing;shetoldherself;butherthroatlosedandhereyes
istsaysothing;she
”ithoughtybe”hebeganandclearedhisthroat”iknos
lateell;thereshetookabreathandaskedstraightout;”doyou
totakearide”shehadntexpectedthatthetearshungon
herlidssothingrethanherthroatsqueezedherheartstanding
there;allsixtithhissportshirtrolledtotheelbow;
fadedjeans;hisheringhair;andunsurenesselookedsodear
”youhaventbeenoutofthisplaceint
on”ihavetheneairsikeepyououtlongnless
yourenervousbeinginacar;aftertheaccident”
”idontreertheaccident”
”ifyouretootired”iot;”shesaidshepushedherselfup;
carefullyeasinghercastedlegoverthesideheightgoo
heranklesshereachedforhercrutches
”ificarryyou;you;”hesaidhsuch
gentlenessthatthetearsretuedshebrushedthehthet
heelsofherhandsandnoddeditethathe
hadcarriedher;butitesincehe
divorceiteinsixlongyearsthattheir
bodieshadbeensoclose
”ivebeendoingthisforseventeendays;”herrectedasheslipped
hisarunderherheliftedhereexquisitegentleness
thathadbeeninhisvoice
sheheldherselfstifflyatfirst
;notfortable”heaskedasheheadedforthedoor
”asaroundhisneck;buryherface
againsthisthroat;andhangon;butsheenedgivinginto
aeantroubleiftheakenahis
allorodetothenursesstationandsaidtotwonursesand
aresident;”iakingwifeforaridewellbegoneanhouris
thereanyreason”thenurseslookedateachother;then
attheresident;allydone”
”thatsnotagoodreason;”ja”he
reachedforthephone”illcheckhdrbauer”jacktookthat
asperssionandsetoffdohehall
iotyourhought;butdidntsayitshedidnt
toargueoversoniceshesettled
inalittleandthoughtaboutseeingthecarshethoughtabout
sllingfreshair;ratherthanhospitalsterilityshethoughtabout
feelingalive
thenightandclearitnosoonerenvelopedherwhenhereyes
filledhtearsagainshetookadeepbreath;thengaspedwhenshe
saallhalogenlightlitthecarwell
”itsred”shecried”thegirlsdidnttellitwasredi
haventhadaredcarsince”sincethevhoughtite”
hefreedahandenoughtoopenthedoorandcarefullysettledher
insideheadjustedtheseattokererooorhercastand
fastenedtheseatbeltbe
………………………………
第97节
foresheulddoitherself
”helaskedhewheel
hestartedthecar”whye”
helefttheparkinglotanddroveseveralblocksbeforehesaid
”becauseyoulovedthatcarishouldnthavesolditthewayidid
”rachelissionsolongafterthefact;but
thereuchtoseeanddotodsherolleddownher
breezethatblewinashedrove
herlungsore”wherearewegoing””p
eets”theshoingherpaintingshildren;
noesandondisplayshehadseen
santhaandhopesheedtoseeher;”atthishour”
”itsfridaynighttheyreopenlate”
”itsnearlyten
””no;itsnot;”jacksaidbutittheclockand
syoutoseethepaintings”
”ogetin”
”in”shedidntargue;didnthavethestrengthjackwas
deteeditwasallinhishands
layingherheadagainsttheheadrest;shesaid;”ihaventthankedyou
fordoingthefrangirateful”
”youhadeverythingthere
thegirlshelped”sherolledherheadtolookathisixyears
hadntainedthickandtoolongin
thebackhisnoseouthstrong;hischinandneck
firshehadalbeautifulthathadntchanged
”thankyouforstaying;”shesaid
henodded;butdidntspeak
earsprickedherlids;shelookedforo
talk;usedtogoonandonaboutevertheyed;orkeeputterly
still;buttherenoeasenohe
insideithurttobehjacklikethis;lockedoutassurelyasshe
hadbeenattheendithurtshehadherine
theresnopointinthis;”shesaid;feelingtiredandweakher
paintingsuldostinthatinstantobury
herheadinapillory
”ostthere”
”jack;theyreclosed”hedidntansplydroveonthroughthe
baelandpulledupinfrontofthegallerythe
placelookeddarkanddesertedsthecarandpeered
inthefrontwindow
usinghishandsasblinders;hetriedtoseereheknockedonthe
glass;tothedoorandknockedharder
”custodian;”hecalledtorachelheknockedagain;studiedthei
door;jabbedhisthuonthebellhecuppedhishandsontheglass
andpeeredinsideagainhehitthebellseveralretis
racheluringapersonobluntthenoiseof
avacuuedtoherandraisedavictoriousfistsends
later;anheinsideofthedoor;wavingahandno;shaking
hishead
jayheartistto
open
shesbeeninthehospitalinaaistoleherouttoshowher
this
tinutesthatsallanopenedhishandsina
helplessgesture
jackheldupafinger;tellinghiointeps;hewas
atthecar;liftingrachelout;carryinghertothedoor
”seeherate;
bud”
”shoid;”racheltried;because;havingethisfar;beingthis
close;sheedin
herarher;soclose;so
tender
”na;notyours;”hesaidhregretshechedthelittle
lineeandgobetlyloohergood
foot;heanchoredhertohissideovedhischandheld
itup
”itsatagititsyours”
”jaanopenedthedoor
rachelsaanhisheadhadanstantshake
”idontuled;barelyopeninghisuth”i
yjobplae”
”thisistheartist”
”uldbeathief”
”doesshelooklikeathiefheasrachelkeatslook”he
thuedthehisnoticerachelkeats”torachel;he
said;”tingyourpictureonaflyer”beforesheuldsay
shedidntthinkso;hetoldthen;”goinsideandlookfora
flyer
anscratchedhisnose
hisheadntinuedtoknow”
jackliftedrachelagain;shoulderedthedooropen;andenteredthe
galleryrachelfeltalittlenaughty;butexcited;veryexcited
”plaintfroehind;butjack
where
raedofseeingherthings
itosteerilysilentsheheldherbreaththereinhis
ar;catchingituedandbacktothewall
sheheldontighterselftosnagthelightshan
elbow
eon;heand
carefullylosaroundher
iliarityoftheposealone
adehercry;exceptthatsheractedndnotbythe
voirhis”she
barelybreathehereyeranaroundtheroonotknoo
settle;ingtoseeeverythingatonceshefeltsurrounded;
overedtheseoreinntent;rein
style;reinnuersearsblurredhervision;shepushedboth
handsagainsthereyestosteheleavingherhandsoverheruth;
shebeganhthebobcatsthatcanvaseshehad
alreadyseenitfradandhung;likehethatflankedit;but
thencathebutterfliesandtherattlesnakeandthegray
hesheepandherarcticich
thesunkingafulllengthhaloofitsefur
shegaspedshehadntfinishedthearcticigod”she
hadntfinishedthequailorthedeerorthegreategret;
either
”ogod”theloonstheloons;sittingonthatrroredsurfaceofa
lakeatdusk;htheislandinthecenterandtheskylitbythe
auroraborealisjackhaddohisnooneelseuldhavehehad
doneitforhersobeautifully;soheautfullyheghtaswellhave
putheronapedestalanddrapedthatplainstonepillarh
variationsofthesoftest;richest;stexquisitevelvet
thereetheycahardandfast
alonghhuge;ouchedandlonelyandneedy
andingandafraid;soafraidthatthosepaintingswereasgoodas
itgo
………………………………
第98节
t
saroundhis
neckandclung”dontcry;angel;”hebegged;”pleasedontcryi
onlyyoutobehappy”sheedtosaythathehaddone
orehappythanshewouldever;everbe
againsheissedthedaysheypainted
togetherandthatsheedtodoitagainsheedtosayshe
lovedhionlysheuldntstopcrying
shehadnevercriedlikethisshehadnevercaredlikethis
shefelthisararou
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