all her perfumed； turquoise jewelry…wearing glory； acting like her presence was really no big deal。
Jesus。 Jenny had seen their mom in Prague。Why hadn？t shewarned him？
Dan brought in his mother？s packages and placed them gently on the kitchen floor。 Vanessa tried
to make eye contact with him but his eyes were glued downward； and he was seemingly deep in
thought。 Or in a trance。 Maybe his mother had hypnotized him？ Maybe she was a New Age
gypsy？
？Now； Dan；？ Jeanette began； as she rooted through the cavernous bags； pulling out assorted
packages and placing them on top of the piles of newspapers covering the kitchen table； ？Jenny
told me all about your special announcement； and I？m here to help you celebrate！？ Vanessa stifled
a nervous laugh as Dan？s face turned sheet white。
Rufus held the spatula； piled with what Vanessa was now convinced was dog food； even though
they didn？t have a dog。 ？What announcement？？ ？Coffee！？ Jeanette chirped excitedly opening a
large pink box and shoving the contents under Dan？s nose。 ？Will go perfectly withthese 。？ Dan
craned his neck and peered inside。 Cradled in white wax paper was a chocolate ？clair。 Two plump
cream puffs nestled on either side of the long； frosted pastry。 His face flushed red with
embarrassment。 Maybe he was just being paranoid or perverted； but that looked a whole lot like
a？？It？s a penis！？ his mother trilled； as if reading her son？s thoughts。 ？It？s to celebrate Dan being
gay！？ Jeanette practically screamed。 ？The cream in the center is the sweetest part。？ She winked。
Um； ew？
？Gay？？Rufus brought the spatula to his lips and chewed thoughtfully。 ？When did this happen？？
All eyes turned to Dan。 ？Like 。 。 。 I don？t know exactly；？ he stammered； wishing the parquet floor
would just open up and swallow him whole。 His mother had traveled three thousand miles just to
give him a penis pastry？ She was back because he？d e out of the closet？ He was going tokill
Jenny for opening her little mouth。 Besides； what did penises have to do with anything？ There was
nothing sexual about his conundrum。
Wasn？t there？
Rufus shrugged and took another bite of mustard…brown slop。 ？And here I thought Jeanie just
missed me？ha！？ Dan？s hand flew to his chest in an unconscious and totally effeminate gesture。
Rufus continued； an insane…looking grin now plastered to his bearded face。 ？Well； you？ll
remember what you？re missing now； won？t you Jean…Jean？ Andthen you？ll be sick of living like
royalty in Europe。？ He shook the lime green apparatus at her and turned back to Dan。 ？Does this
mean I need to learn to cook quiche？？ he asked。
？Anyway；？ Jeanette sang out； ignoring her estranged husband as she began pulling what looked
like yards of magenta silk out of a large white box。 ？I brought you some gifts to mark this very
important transition into your new lifestyle。 Look！？ She held up what appeared to be a fuchsia
pink jumpsuit with sparkling gold laces up the front。 As she excitedly held it up to Dan？s body； it
became immediately apparent that it was about ten sizes too small？which was only fitting； since
the last present she？d sent had been size…four lederhosen from D？sseldorf when he was ten。 Dan
closed his eyes again and silently wished that he and Vanessa hadn？t removed the ancient stacks of
newspapers today？maybe then the piles of clutter could have fallen down and killed him； if not in
his sleep； then in this； perhaps the worst waking moment of his life。
？I knew this would be perfect on you！ Can you imagine what kind ofsplash you？ll make at the
Chelsea nightclubs？？ We can imagine？and it？s already giving us nightmares。
？I have another gift；？ she continued conspiratorially； taking Dan？s elbow and leaning in close；
her singsong voice dropping to a low whisper。 ？But this one is for your eyes only。？ Jeanette
reached into the hip…length macram？ tote still hanging from her shoulder and drew out a large；
black…bound book； which she handed to Dan。
He ran his fingers over the gilt label： HOMOESENSUAL： THE
GREATEST GAY LOVE POEMS OF ALL TIME。 The book must have weighed over fifteen
pounds。 Dan stared down at the cover； not sure what to say。 It actually was a really thoughtful gift。
After all； hewas a poet； and he was pretty sure he might be gay。 It would do him good to read
some gay poetry。
Still； couldn？t she have just given him a card？
？I figured you might want something moreartistic to celebrate your awakening； and I knew
you？d appreciate this new European pilation。 I picked it up at this delightful little ？alternative？
bookstore in Paris？they have gay movies； too！ I？ll be sure to pick one up for you next time I？m
there。？ Dan frowned down at the book。 Had his mother just offered to send him gay porn？ She
seemed really excited by the idea of having a gay son； and he hadn？t seen her in at least ten
years？why not humor her？ He shrugged； picked up the penis ？clair； and took a giant bite。 It tasted
like a Bavarian cream donut。
？Delicious；？ he declared； smacking his lips and really camping it up。 His mother nodded；
beaming with pleasure。 Vanessa giggled and dipped her finger into the box to taste some of the
cream。？Truly divine；？ he added； for their benefit。
The family that？s gay together stays together！
what goes around es around。 。 。 。
Serena？s chest felt hollow as she watched Nate bury his face in Blair？s perfumed neck。 They
looked so ecstatic and in love that she had to turn away。 What was going on？ She？d thought they
were barely even speaking anymore。 Serena grabbed a flute of champagne and downed it；
reaching for another。 The golden bubbles tickled her nose and she sneezed twice。 If she had to
watch them practically do it right in front of her； she？d better drink herself silly。
Of course all she had to do was wait； but the waiting was killing her。 Blair was would be off to
Yale in the morning and Nate would be staying right here in New York。 Finally； she？d have him all
to herself； and years from now； when Blair came home from Yale with her perfect collegiate
investment banker fianc？ and Nate and Serena were in love？true；
spend…the…rest…of…your…life…together love？they？d laugh at the idea that Blair and Nate had ever
even been together。 It would be some warm but distant memory； like Buck Naked or the alligator
costume。 Blair would be her maid of honor； and just before walking down the aisle she？d whisper
in Serena？s ear that she was sorry she？d stood in their way all those years。Of course Serena and
Nate were meant to be together。
Right。 Because it？s just like Blair to do that。
Kati Farkas and Isabel Coates stumbled by； teetering on their obscenely high Manolos and
clutching each other？s arms to keep from falling down； their eyes glassy and bright。
？Hey Serena！？ Kati giggled； her zebra…striped Norma Kamali dress sliding down her nonexistent
chest。 ？You don？t have a date either？ You should e with us？we？re going to snag some Greek
gods！？ Isabel erupted in a fit of giggles。 ？How about that one？？ She pointed across the room at a
painted figure wearing a barely there loincloth made entirely out of silvery olive branches。 Kati
started to hiccup uncontrollably； which made both girls laugh even harder。 The painted god
grinned at Isabel； his white…plaster curls falling over his painted and powdered angular features。
？Hold this；？ Isabel slurred； handing her drink to Kati。 She staggered over to the god and climbed
up on the small dais supporting him。 Without so much as a hello； she grabbed the male statue and
kissed him； white paint smearing her black crepe D&G Grecian gown。
Way to leave town with a bang。
Serena turned away and checked her reflection in the long mirror hanging behind the bar。 After
much deliberation？though not nearly as much as Blair？she？d chosen a low…cut silvery Valentino
cocktail dress with silver trim around the waist。 Her legs looked endless beneath the midlength
skirt； finished off with a pair of gold Christian Louboutin sandals with their trademark red soles。
Normally she preferred one of her brother？s old BROWN T…shirts and her ratty Sevens； but
tonight she felt a bit like Cinderella； hoping to win the prince？s heart。 She glanced back at where
Nate and Blair had been standing。 Nate was now alone； leaning against the wall and staring
pensively out into the crowd； with Blair nowhere in sight。
Serena pushed through the throng of revelers； waving at Blair？s little brother Tyler and his
girlfriend； Jasmine； who were ballroom dancing rather adorably； despite the fact that Gwen
Stefani？s ？Hollaback Girl？ was playing。 Tyler just tipped his head at her； clearly engrossed in his
waltz。 Serena kept walking until she was standing right where she belonged？directly in front of
Nate。 Her breath caught in her throat as she looked at him。 In his black Hugo Boss tux； crisp white
shirt； and shiny dark Prada loafers； he really did look princely。
？Hey。？ His face broke into a wide grin when he saw her。 ？Hey； yourself。？ She stepped a little
closer and reached for his hand。 He closed his fingers around hers； and Serena breathed a sigh of
relief at the warm touch of his skin。 ？You okay？？ ？Yeah。？ Nate shrugged his shoulders。 ？I guess。？
He dropped her hand； his eyes shifting nervously away and then back again。
？It？ll be easier tomorrow； after Blair leaves。？ She took his hand again and squeezed it tightly in
her own。 It was torture to have to stand next to him like this and not really be able to touch him。
All she wanted was to pull him close and kiss him； until Blair； the party； and the whole world fell
away； leaving just the two of them。
？Yeah。？ Nate？s eyes were shiny with emotion。 ？You look really beautiful tonight。？ His voice
trembled。 Was he struggling to keep his hands off her； just like she was？
She tossed her long blond hair over one shoulder。 ？My hair does look a little better when I brush
it；？ she joked。 Behind them Tyler spun Jasmine around and around。 Jasmine looked like she was
about to puke all over her cute purple plaid satin Marc Jacobs halter dress。
Nate bit his lip nervously。 ？Blair wants me to meet her at Grand Central tomorrow at ten。？ He
wanted to tell her the rest？that Blair wanted to meet him there because she？d gotten him back into
Yale； that he wasn？t sure whether to go or not go。 But Serena looked so beautiful and trusting； he
didn？t have the heart。
Or the balls。
？Well； we should both go？I want to see her off too。？ Serena squeezed his arm。 One more day and
they？d be together forever。
Nate wrapped his arms around her and held her close； breathing in the familiar scent of patchouli
and lilies？a scent he knew as well as his own。 He？d loved her ever since he could remember； but
he？d loved Blair too。 And he wanted to be with both girls； always and forever。
So why don？t they all move to Utah？
？I love you；？ Serena said； her voice catching in her throat。 Nate held her； squeezing her tight。 ？I
love you too。？ And true love never lies。
v is a femme fatale
Vanessa leaned against a podium； sipping champagne as she tried to subtly rearrange her light
blue silk Betsey Johnson party dress。 She