closed trunk and waited。 Had Serena finally told Nate she was in love with him？ Did he love
Serena back？ Werethey going to run off to France together to adopt Cambodian twins？
？I didn？t get my diploma；？ Nate blurted in a rush； as if hoping she might not catch the words。 ？I
have to repeat senior year at St。 Jude？s。？ Blair grabbed the edge of the trunk she was sitting on
with white fingers； staring at him unprehendingly。
？I can？t go to Yale with you。？ He clarified。 ？I？m so sorry。？
？What？？ Blair screeched in disbelief。 She stood up； fingers clenched into fists at her sides。 ？What
did you say？？ Nate？s face was an infuriating blank。 The whole room seemed to go red。 Seriously？
Was thisseriously happening？ First her best friend betrayed her； then her family abandoned their
fucking home； then her car was practically ripped away from her； and now the supposed love of
her life was making her go off to college without him because he wasstuck in high school？ Was
this seriously fuckinghappening？
？WHAT THE HELL； NATE！？？ she screamed； throwing a pair of black alligator Manolos across
the room； narrowly missing his head。
Love hurts！
Blair？s head filled with static。 Nate wasn？t going to Yale with her？he was staying right here in
New York？in the city where very soon she would no longer have a home。 He might as well have
told her that hewas in love with Serena？the end result was still the same。 She and Nate would be
apart next year； living totally separate lives。 How were they supposed to live happily ever after the
way they were destined to if he was still inhigh school ？ Blair was breathing so fast her head felt
light and dizzy。
？I？ll； um 。 。 。 I？ll call you later；？ Nate said unfortably； looking down at the carpet。 His
shoulders rose in a deep； shuddering sigh。 ？When you？re a little more calm。？ Which might be
never。
？What do you want me to say； Nate？ Congratu…freakinglations？ Hey； at least you can call me to
help you with yourhomework ？！？ Blair screamed as he opened the door and closed it softly behind
him。
Don？t go giving him any ideas。 。 。 。
TO： caligirl90210@gmail。
FROM： Bwaldorf@constancebillard。edu
Subject： re： We？re Roomies！
Dear Alana；
P。P。S。 Forget every fucking thing I just said。 I hope you？re at least a semi…fucking normal human
being； because no one else in my life is。
See you soon。
Blair
tangled up in s
Nate walked out of Blair？s apartment building and onto Fifth Avenue； grateful for the
anonymous noise and clamor of the busy street。 At least no one was yelling at him out here。 He
knew that she wouldn？t take the news that he wasn？t going to Yale with her well or anything； but
he hadn？t expected it to bethat bad。 He stopped on the corner and pulled out a pack of cigarettes。
He was tempted by the tightly rolled emergency joint he？d shoved in the back； but pulled out a
Parliament instead and lit the tip； his hands shaking。
He was trying to think with his balls like Chips said。 He？d thought that if he just came clean to
her； everything would just fall into place。 Sure； he？d be in Manhattan for an extra year； but they？d
see each other every weekend。 It wasn？t like hewanted to stay behind in the city while Blair and
Serena？his girls？were up in New Haven。
Nate exhaled a cloud of smoke and started walking uptown； not knowing or caring where he was
headed。 Thinking with his balls was totally overrated。 All he really needed was to talk to someone
who actually cared about him； someone who knew him better than anyone。 The problem was； that
person had just thrown a pair of shoes at his head。
He stopped in his tracks and looked up at the tall stone building in front of him at Eighty…first
and Fifth Avenue； almost across from the Metropolitan Museum of Art。 His feet had led him right
to Serena？s doorstep。 As he stared up at the gauzy； white curtains covering the windows of the
top…floor apartment； Nate wondered if she was home。 He walked into the lobby and raised his
hand to the doorman； who smiled and waved him through。
As he rode up in the wood…paneled elevator； Nate wasn？t sure what he would say to Serena if she
evenwas home。 All he wanted was to chill for a while and forget everything that had just happened
in the last torturous hour； but knowing Blair； she？d probably already told Serena the news。 He
strode purposefully to the van der Woodsens？ door and knocked。
Serena opened the door to her apartment almost instantly； as if she？d been waiting for him。 She
was wearing a crisp white cotton dress； like she was about to go play tennis； except that her golden
hair was messily piled on top of her head with a paintbrush sticking through it。 ？Hey。？ Nate
grinned。 ？Want to hang out for a while？？ She smiled slowly； then opened the door wide； grabbing
his T…shirt and pulling him inside。
A few minutes later they sat cross…legged on the floor by the edge of her frilly white bed； the
leather photo album spread out in front of them。 Serena leaned forward to turn to a new page； her
hair falling across Nate？s shoulder。 He breathed deeply。 His pulse was finally slowing。 All it took
was Serena？s signature scent of patchouli and lilies to calm him down。
Nate looked around at her familiar room。 There was the tiny glass ballerina atop her mahogany
jewelry chest。 The kilt…wearing teddy bear from Scotland he used to make say dirty things until
Serena squealed at him to stop； even though she was laughing hysterically。 The giant mahogany
armoire with crazily printed underwear spilling out of it。 The little silver box on her night table
that he knew was full of her baby teeth。
？Did Blair call you？？ Nate asked； resting his head on the bed behind him。 He looked up at the
white eyelet canopy overhead and recognized the little brown burn mark he？d made in ninth
grade。
She shook her head。 ？Why？？
He squirmed unfortably on the carpet。 ？I don？t know。？ Serena just smiled and turned back to
the album。 An eight…by…ten photo of her in the fifth grade； dressed up as a fairy； peered up at
them。 ？My hair is green。？ She blushed and tried to turn the page。
？No。？ Nate sat forward and reached for the album； flipping the page back so he could study the
picture。 Little Serena trapped underneath the clear plastic； wearing a pink satin gown and wings； a
sparkling silver wand in her hand。 ？You look beautiful。？ Serena rolled her eyes。 ？Anyway 。 。 。？ she
said； turning the pages； ？why did you e over here again？？ Nate shrugged； Chips？s words still
echoing in his brain。 If he could only figure out what thinking with his balls actually meant；
maybe he could figure some shit out。 ？I was in the neighborhood。？ He looked down at a picture of
him and
Serena。 He didn？t remember taking this one。 Their cheeks were pressed close together； flushed
and smiling； and it was taken from above； his arm holding the camera out in front of their faces。
？Is that？？ he heard the words tumble out of his mouth。 ？It？s from the day I came down from
Ridgefield；？ she said quietly； finishing his thoughts。 Serena swallowed hard； looking down at the
page。 ？The day we 。 。 。？ Nate knew before she？d even said the words。 It was a photograph from
the night they？d lost their virginity to each other； more than two years ago。 He couldn？t help
thinking about her soft skin and the fun they？d had。 Some documentary about the Ten
mandments was on TV that night； and when they？d turned it on after they？d made love for
the very first time； Serena had yelled out； ？You parted my red sea！？ He smiled； remembering how
happy they were； how they？d stayed in each other？s arms until the sun rose。
？I don？t even remember taking it；？ Serena added with a shrug of her shoulders before she
reached out and started to flip to another page in the album。
？Me neither；？ Nate said； reluctant to let go of the page。 Why couldn？t happiness just stay like
that？trapped under plastic and hermetically sealed？ Why did everything have to get
soplicated ？ He wished more than anything that he could just go back in time to that night and
start all over again。
Serena grabbed the book away from him； closed it； and sat up； crossing her legs Indian style。 She
was wearing a pair of ridiculously tiny white shorts under her cotton dress。 It almost hurt Nate？s
eyes to look at her。
Sounds like he was thinking with； ahem；something now。 ？Nate；？ she began； taking a deep
breath； ？I need to ask you something。 I 。 。 。 I really need to know the truth。？ ？What？？ His heart
stopped for a second。 Serena？s almost navy blue eyes were so serious that he found himself
reaching over and grabbing her hand； squeezing her soft palm in his own to fort her。
She squirmed unfortably and swallowed hard。 ？Did you ever get my letter？？Letter？ Nate
shook his head slowly。
Serena took another deep breath and looked straight at him。 ？I wrote you a letter to tell you that I
love you；？ she said quietly。 ？I always have。？ The room was so quiet that Nate didn？t know
whether the sound of breathing in his ears was his or hers。 Sitting there with Serena； on the floor
of her room； everything felt right。 Andsimple 。 In fact； when he really thought about it； things
between him and Serena had always been simple？it waslife that had plicated them。
And somehow it felt totally right for him to kiss her。 He leaned forward； his bare knees sinking
into the carpet； and pressed his lips to hers。 As he breathed in the scent of her； he felt his limbs
relax； his body going limp with relief and happiness。
Kissing Serena was the exactopposite of having a pair of stilettos thrown at his head？it was
absolutely effortless。 They staggered to their feet and she pushed him down on the bed； kissing
him back eagerly。
And the rest is history； repeating itself。
TO： DHump18@gmail。
FROM： perma_green420@hotmail。
Subject： Changes
Hey Dan；
Dude。 I guess you and me are going to be roommates at Evergreen。 I don？t know about you； but
I？m totally stoked on going out to Washington。 I？m from this shit…ass town in the boondocks of
Idaho； and after eighteen goddamn years here Ineed to get the fuck out。
It？s not just that living here bores me to tears； but the people here just have no respect for the
earth； right？ If the kids I grew up with spent a quarter of the time they spend cooking meth in their
basements focusing on the fucking earth； we？d have solved global warming by now。 Honestly。 It？s
like with smokers？why do they do it？ I can？t stand people who damage themselves and others for
no fucking reason； you know？ It？s all about respect。
So what about you； bro？ You stoked for school？ I hope you？re not bringing too much
stuff； ？cause I hear our rooms are pretty small。 I？m pretty neat； mostly because I don？t have a lot？I
try to simplify； stick to the basics； you know。 The only thing about me that？s high maintenance is
my allergies？I？m allergic to coffee beans and will go into anaphylactic shock if I？m even near a
coffee ground。 Trust me； it？s not as cool as it sounds。
Are you signing up for that frosh orientation camping trip？ Sounds pretty fucking sweet to me。
Getting to know our classma