face that made you want to look at it。 She would be the kind of girl
to make Dan glow—full of movement and laughter—exactly the
opposite of Dan’s quiet energy； which burned deep inside him and
made his hands shake sometimes。
Vanessa hugged herself。 Just thinking about Dan made her feel like
she had to pee。 Under that shaved head and that impossible black
turtleneck； she was just a girl。
Face it： we’re all the same。
“The invitations； the gift bags； and the champagne。 That’s all we
have left to do；” Blair said。 She lifted a cucumber slice off her plate
and nibbled at it thoughtfully。 “Kate Spade is still doing the gift
bags； but I don’t know—do you think Kate Spade is too boring？”
“I think Kate Spade is perfect；” Isabel said； winding her dark hair
into a knot on top of her head。 “I mean； think how cool it is to have
a plain black handbag now instead of all those animal prints and
military shit everyone has。 It’s all such 。 。 。 bad taste； don’t you
think？”
Blair nodded。 “pletely；” she agreed。
“Hey； what about my leopard skin coat？” Kati said； looking hurt。
“Yes； but that’s real leopard skin；” Blair argued。 “That’s different。”
The three girls were sitting in the Constance cafeteria； discussing
the uping Kiss on the Lips benefit to raise money for the Central
Park Peregrine Falcon Foundation。 Blair was chair of the organizing
mittee； of course。
“Those poor birds；” Blair sighed。
As if she could give two shits about the damned birds。
“I really want this party to be good；” she said。 “You guys are ing
to my meeting tomorrow； right？”
“Of course we’re ing；” Isabel said。 “What about Serena—did you
tell her about the party？ Is she going to help？”
Blair stared blankly back at her。
Kati wrinkled her pert little ski…jump nose and nudged Isabel with
her elbow。 “I bet Serena is too busy； you know； dealing with
everything。 All her problems。 She probably doesn’t have time to
help us； anyway；” she said； smirking。
Blair shrugged。 Across the cafeteria； Serena herself was just joining
the lunch line。 She noticed Blair right away and smiled； waving
cheerfully as if to say； “I’ll be there in a minute！” Blair blinked；
pretending she’d forgotten to put in her contacts。
Serena slid her tray along the metal counter； choosing a lemon
yogurt and skipping all the hot lunch selections until she came to
the hot…water dispenser； where she filled up a cup with hot water
and placed a Lipton tea bag； a slice of lemon； and a packet of sugar
on the saucer。 Then she carried her tray over to the salad bar；
where she filled up a plate with a pile of romaine lettuce and poured
a small puddle of bleu cheese dressing beside it。 She would have
preferred a toasted ham…and…cheese sandwich in the Gare du Nord
in Paris； eaten in a hurry before leaping onto her London train； but
this was almost as good。 It was the same lunch she’d eaten at
Constance every day since sixth grade。 Blair always got the same
thing too。 They called it the “diet plate。”
Blair watched as Serena got her salad； dreading the moment when
Serena would sit down next to her in all her glory and start trying to
be friends again。 Ugh。
“Hey guys；” Serena said； sitting down next to Blair； smiling
radiantly。 “Just like old times； huh？” She laughed and peeled back
the top of her yogurt。 The cuffs of her brother’s old shirt were
frayed； and stray threads dangled in the yogurt’s watery whey。
“Hello； Serena；” Kati and Isabel said in unison。
Blair looked up at Serena and turned the corners of her glossy lips
upwards。 It was almost a smile。
Serena stirred the yogurt up and nodded at Blair’s tray； where the
remains of her bagel with cream cheese and cucumber were
strewn。 “I guess you outgrew the diet plate；” she observed。
“I guess；” Blair said。 She smashed a lump of cream cheese into her
paper napkin with her thumb； staring at Serena’s sloppy cuffs in
bewilderment。 It was fine to wear your brother’s old clothes in ninth
and tenth grade。 Then； it was cool。 But now？ It just seemed 。 。 。
dirty。
“So my schedule totally sucks；” Serena said； licking her spoon。 “I
don’t have a single class with you guys。”
“Um； that’s because you’re not taking any APs；” Kati observed。
“You’re lucky；” Isabel sighed。 “I have so much work to do I don’t
even have time to sleep。”
“Well； at least I’ll have more time to party；” Serena said。 She
nudged Blair’s elbow。 “What’s going on this month； anyway？ I feel
so pletely out of it。”
Blair sat up straight and picked up her plastic cup； only to find there
was no water left in it to drink。 She knew she should tell Serena all
about the Kiss on the Lips party and how Serena could help with the
preparations and how fun it was all going to be。 But somehow she
couldn’t bring herself to do it。 Serena was out of it； all right。 And
Blair wanted her to stay that way。
“It’s been pretty lame。 There really isn’t much going on until
Christmas；” Blair lied； shooting a warning glance at Kati and Isabel。
“Really？” Serena said； disappointed。 “Well what about tonight？ You
guys want to go out？”
Blair glanced at her friends。 She was all for going out； but it was
only Tuesday。 The most she ever did on a Tuesday night was rent a
movie with Nate。 Suddenly Blair felt seriously old and boring。 Leave
it to Serena to make her feel boring。
“I have an AP French test tomorrow。 Sorry； Serena；” Blair said。 She
stood up。 “Actually； I have a meeting with Madame Rogers right
now。”
Serena frowned and began to chew on her thumbnail； a new habit
she’d picked up at boarding school。 “Well； maybe I’ll give Nate a
call。 He’ll go out with me；” she said。
Blair picked up her tray and resisted hurling it in Serena’s face。
Keep your hands off him！ she wanted to scream； jumping onto the
table ninja…style。 Hiyeeh…yah！
“I’ll see you later； guys；” she said； and walked stiffly away。
Serena sighed and flicked a piece of lettuce off her plate。 Blair was
being boring。 When were they going to start having fun？ She looked
up at Kati and Isabel hopefully； but they were getting ready to
leave； too。
“I’ve got a stupid college advisor meeting；” Kati said。
“And I have to go up to the art room and put my painting away；”
Isabel said。
“Before anyone sees it？” Kati joked。
“Oh； shut up；” Isabel said。
They stood up with their trays。
“It’s so good to have you back； Serena；” Kati said in her fakest
voice。
“Yeah；” Isabel agreed。 “It really is。”
And then they walked away。
Serena twirled her spoon around and around in her yogurt
container； wondering what had happened to everyone。 They were
all acting like freaks。 What did I do？ she asked herself； chewing on
her thumbnail again。
Good question。
Disclaimer： All the real names of places； people； and events havebeen altered or abbreviated to protect the innocent。 Namely； me。
hey people！
WHERE THE BOYS ARE
Thanks for checking in； although most of you had little to say aboutS or B。 Most of you just want to know more about the boys。
Your E…mail：
Dear gg； D sounds sweet。 Whats he so hot for S for？ Shes just a
ho。 —Bebe
Dear Bebe； I happen to know that D is not that innocent。 He was
up to some kinky shit back at summer camp in eighth grade。 —GG
dear GG； what does N do at lunchtime？？ i go to school near him；
and i wonder if i see him all the time without realizing it。 Yikes！ —
ShyGirl
Okay； if you want to know so badly； then I’ll tell you。
St。 Jude’s lets its senior boys out for lunch。 So right now N is
probably headed up to that little pizza joint on the corner of
Eightieth and Madison。 Vino’s？ Vinnie’s？ Whatever。 Anyway； they
have good slices and one of the delivery guys sells pretty decent
pot。 N is one of his regulars。 There’s usually a group of kids from
L’Ecole standing around outside the pizza place； so N will stop and
flirt with this one girl who I’ll call Claire； who acts all shy and
pretends she doesn’t speak English； but she’s actually really bad at
French and a huge slut。
N has this cute little gag where he buys two slices and he always
offers Claire one。 She holds onto it the whole time they’re talking
and finally takes a little weeny bit off the tip of the slice。 Then N
goes； “I can’t believe you did that； you’re eating my pizza！” and
swipes the thing out of her hands and eats the whole thing in like
two bites。 This makes Claire laugh so hard her boobs nearly pop
out of her shirt。 The L’Ecole girls all wear really tight clothes and
short skirts and high heels。 They’re like； the ho’s of the Upper East
Side school system。 N likes to flirt with them； and so far that’s as far
as it’s gone。 But if B leads him on any longer； he might start giving
Claire more than just a bite of his pizza。 This time； though； Claire
surprises him by asking if he’s heard about S 。 Claire claims to
have heard that S not only got pregnant last year； but that she
gave birth in France。 Her baby’s name is Jules and he is alive and
well and living in Marseilles。
As for D—well； he’s sitting outside in the Riverside Prep courtyard
again； reading poetry and eating PB and J。 I know that sounds
extremely sad； but don’t worry about D。 His time is ing。 Stay
tuned。
Sightings
K was seen returning a pink； army…print handbag at Barneys。
Personally； I thought the bag was cute。 But someone must have
talked her out of it。
You know you love me；
“Hey Nate。 It’s Serena。 I’m just calling to see what you’re up to。 I
thought maybe we could go out tonight； but you know what？ I’m
tired。 It’s only ten； but I think I’m going to bed。 I’ll see you this
weekend though； okay？ I can’t wait。 Love you。 Nighty…night。”
Serena hung up。 Her room felt very quiet。 Even Fifth Avenue was
still； except for the occasional passing taxi。
From where she sat on her big canopy bed； she could see the silver…
framed photograph of her family； taken in Greece when she was
twelve。 The captain of the sailboat they’d chartered had taken the
picture。 They were all in bathing suits； and her brother； Erik； who
was fourteen at the time； was making a big fart kiss on Serena’s
cheek while their parents looked on； laughing。 Serena had gotten
her period for the first time on that trip。 She’d been so
embarrassed； she couldn’t bear to tell her parents； but what was
she supposed to do； trapped on a boat？ They were anchored off the
island of Rhodes； and while their parents were snorkeling and
Serena and Erik were supposed to be having windsurfing lessons；
Erik had swum ashore； stolen a Vespa； and bought her some maxi
pads。 He came back with them in a little plastic bag； tied on top of
his head； her hero。
Serena had thrown her ruined underwear overboard。 They were
probably still there； stuck on a reef somewhere。
Now Erik was a freshman at Brown； and Serena never got to see
him。 He had been in France with her that summer； but they’d both
spent the whole time chasing or being chased by boys and girls； so
they’d never really had time to talk。
Serena picked up