blind old man’s drinking cup with water from the fountain？” When no one
went to his aid； he’d say； “It’d be a good turn； my children； a pious deed！” The
color of his irises had faded and they were nearly the same color as the whites
of his eyes。
Agitated by the thought of resembling that blind old man； I confessed how
I did away with Enishte Effendi hurriedly； without savoring any of it。 I was
neither too honest nor too insincere with them： I found a medium
consistency； such that the story wouldn’t trouble my heart too much； and
they’d be assured I hadn’t gone to Enishte’s house to murder him。 I wanted
to make clear that it wasn’t a premeditated murder； which intent they
gathered when I reminded them of the following while trying to absolve
myself： “Without harboring bad intentions； one never goes to Hell。”
“After surrendering Elegant Effendi to the Angels of Allah；” I said
thoughtfully； “what the dearly departed expressed to me in his last moments
started to gnaw at me like a worm。 Having caused me to bloody my hands； the
final painting loomed larger in my mind； and so； resolving to see it； I went to
your Enishte； who no longer summoned any of us to his house。 Not only did
he refuse to reveal the painting； he behaved as if nothing were the matter。
There was； he sniffled； neither a painting nor anything else so mysterious that
it called for murder！ To preempt further humiliation； and to get his attention； I
thereupon confessed that I was the one who killed Elegant Effendi and tossed
him into a well。 Yes； then he took me more seriously； but he continued to
humiliate me all the same。 How could a man who humiliates his son be a
father？ Great Master Osman would bee irate with us； he’d beat us； but he
never once humiliated us。 Oh my brothers； we’ve made a grave mistake by
betraying him。”
I smiled at my brethren whose attention was focused upon my eyes；
listening to me as though I lay on my deathbed。 Just as a dying man would； I
saw them growing increasingly blurry and moving away from me。
“I murdered your Enishte for two reasons。 First； because he shamelessly
forced the great Master Osman into aping the Veian artist； Sebastiano。
Second； because in a moment of weakness； I lowered myself to ask him
whether I had a style of my own。”
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“How did he respond？”
“It seems I am possessed of a style。 But ing from him； of course； this
was not an insult。 I remembered wondering； in my shame； if this were indeed
praise： I considered style to be a variety of rootlessness and dishonor； but
doubt was eating at me。 I wanted nothing to do with style； but the Devil was
tempting me and I was； furthermore； curious。”
“Everybody secretly desires to have a style；” said Black smartly。 “Everybody
also desires to have his portrait made； just as Our Sultan did。”
“Is this affliction impossible to resist？” I said。 “As this plague spreads； none
of us will be able to stand against the methods of the Europeans。”
No one was listening to me； however。 Black was recounting the story of a
sad Turkmen chieftain who was sent off on a twelve…year exile to China
because he’d prematurely expressed his love for the daughter of the shah。
Since he didn’t have a portrait of his beloved； of whom he dreamed for a
dozen years； he forgot her face amid the Chinese beauties； and his lovelorn
suffering was transformed into a profound trial willed by Allah。
“Thanks to your Enishte； we’ve all learned the meaning of ”portrait；“” I
said。 “God willing； one day； we’ll fearlessly tell the story of our own lives the
way we actually live them。”
“All fables are everybody’s fables；” said Black。
“All illumination is God’s illumination too；” I said； pleting the verse by
the poet Hatifi of Herat。 “But as the methods of the Europeans spread；
everyone will consider it a special talent to tell other men’s stories as if they
were one’s own。”
“This is nothing but the will of Satan。”
“Unhand me now；” I shouted。 “Let me look upon the world one last time。”
They were terrified； and a new confidence rose within me。
“Will you take out the final picture？” Black said。
I gave Black such a look that he was quick to understand I’d do so and he
released me。 My heart began to beat rapidly。
I’m certain you’ve long ago discovered my identity； which I’ve been trying
to conceal。 Even so； don’t be surprised that I’m behaving like the old masters
of Herat； for they would conceal their signatures not to hide their identities；
but out of principle and respect for their masters。 Excitedly； I walked through
the pitch…black rooms of the lodge； oil lamp in hand； making way for my own
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pale shadow。 Had the curtain of blackness begun to fall over my eyes； or were
these rooms and hallways truly this dark？ How many days and weeks； how
much time did I have before going blind？ My shadow and I stopped among
the ghosts in the kitchen and lifted up the pages from the clean corner of a
dusty cabi before quickly heading back。 Black had followed me as a
precaution； but he’d neglected to bring his dagger。 Would I； perchance；
consider taking up that dagger and blinding him before I myself went blind？
“I’m pleased that I will see this once again before going blind；” I said with
pride。 “I want you all to see it as well。 Look here。”
Under the light of the oil lamp； I showed them the final picture； which I’d
taken from Enishte’s house the day I killed him。 At first； I watched their
curious and timid expressions as they looked at the double…leaf picture。 I
circled around and joined them； and I was ever so faintly trembling as I stared。
The lancing of my eyes； or perhaps a sudden rapture； made me feverish。
The pictures we made on various parts of the two pages over the past
year—tree； horse； Satan； Death； dog and woman—were arranged； large and
small； according to Enishte’s albeit inept new method of position； in such
a way that the dearly departed Elegant Effendi’s gilding and borders made us
feel we were no longer looking at a page from a book but at the world seen
through a window。 In the center of this world； where Our Sultan should’ve
been； was my own portrait； which I briefly observed with pride。 I was
somewhat unsatisfied with it because after laboring in vain for days； looking
into a mirror and erasing and reworking； I was unable to achieve a good
resemblance； still； I felt unbridled elation because the picture not only situated
me at the center of a vast world； but for some unaccountable and diabolic
reason； it made me appear more profound； plicated and mysterious than I
actually was。 I wanted only that my artist brethren recognize； understand and
share in my exuberance。 I was both the center of everything； like a sultan or a
king； and； at the same time； myself。 The situation fed my pride as it increased
my embarrassment。 Finally these two feelings balanced each other； and I was
able to relax and take dizzying pleasure in the picture。 But for this pleasure to
be plete； I knew every mark on my face and shirt； all of the wrinkles；
shadows； moles and boils； every detail from my whiskers to the weave of my
clothes and all their colors in all their shades had to be perfect； down to the
minutest details； as much as the skill of Frankish painters would allow。
I noted in the faces of my old panions fear； bewilderment and the
inescapable feeling devouring us all： jealousy。 Along with the angry revulsion
they felt toward a man hopelessly mired in sin； they were also envious。
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“During the nights I spent here staring at this picture by the light of an oil
lamp； I felt for the first time that God had forsaken me and only Satan would
befriend me in my isolation；” I said。 “I know that even if I were truly the
center of the world—and each time I looked at the picture this is precisely
what I wanted—despite the splendor of the red that ruled the painting；
despite being surrounded by all of these things I loved； including my dervish
panions and the woman who resembled beautiful Shekure； I’d still be
lonely。 I’m not afraid of possessing character and individuality； nor do I fear
others bowing down and worshiping me； on the contrary； this is what I
desire。”
“You mean to say that you feel no remorse？” said Stork like a man who’d
just left a Friday sermon。
“I feel like the Devil not because I’ve murdered two men； but because my
portrait has been made in this fashion。 I suspect that I did away with them so I
could make this picture。 But now the isolation I feel terrifies me。 Imitating the
Frankish masters without having attained their expertise makes a miniaturist
even more of a slave。 Now I’m desperate to escape this trap。 Of course； all of
you know： After all is said and done； I killed them both so the workshop might
persist as it always has； and Allah certainly knows this too。”
“Yet this will bring even greater trouble upon us；” said my beloved
Butterfly。
I abruptly grabbed the wrist of that fool Black； who was still looking at the
picture； and with all my strength； digging my nails into his flesh； I angrily
squeezed and twisted it。 The dagger that he rather timidly held dropped from
his hand。 I grabbed it from the ground。
“But now you won’t be able to resolve your troubles by handing me over to
the torturer；” I said。 As if to poke out his eye； I brought the point of the dagger
toward Black’s face。 “Give me the plume needle。”
He took it out and handed it to me with his good hand； and I stuck it into
my sash。 I focused my gaze into his lamblike eyes。
“I pity beautiful Shekure because she had no alternative but to marry you；”
I said。 “If I hadn’t been forced to kill Elegant Effendi to save you all from ruin；
she would’ve married me and been happy。 Indeed； I was the one who most
fully understood the tales and talents of the Europeans as her father recounted
them to us。 So； listen carefully to the last of what I will tell you： There is no
longer any place here in Istanbul for us master miniaturists who wish to live
by skill and honor alone。 Yes； this is what I’ve realized。 If we’re reduced to
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imitating the Frankish masters； as the late Enishte and Our Sultan desired； we
will be restrained； if not by the Ezurumis and those like Elegant Effendi； then
by the justified cowardice within us； and we won’t be able to continue。 If we
fall sway to the Devil and continue； betraying everything that has e before
in a futile attempt to attain a style and European character； we will still fail—
just as I failed in making this self…portra