othersbedrooshefoundhin
thestudio
hesfoldedhewas
deepinncentration；studyingcanvasesthathehadlineduponthe
oppositesideoftheroo
shestoodquietlybythedoor；tellingherselfthatybesheshould
leaveandebacklaterbutsheneededtotalk
”hi；sie；”hesaidandlookedatherfeet”he
boots
””inrooareyoudoing”sheasked
”lookingatyourthersstuffshesgood”
”areyoureallygoingtofinishherpictures””idontknowas
justathoughtotherbeangrye
ifidid”hopedidntthinksoshehadnteverheardrachelsay
anythingbadaboutjacksaoldhershejustlistening；but
shewas
”daddy””；sorrohink
ysgoingtosjusttakinglongerthanihad
hopeditwould”
”uchtheyreing；tootheyre
pleasedthatshesnotgettinghatifrachel
gettinghenthebadstuffsheodoh
hercatsheraisedherarsothatsheuldrubherfacein
guineveresfuritething
right
”guineveresgettinge
anyreiclap；andshedoesnteventuherheadshesgoingto
diesoon；daddy”hepushedathe；and
rubbedguineverebetheears”issheinpain””noshed
ohroathurtshehadtoforce
the”daddy；llidohoughtfora
nute”youllbesadyoullgrieveforher”that
hopeant”ean；icantjust
throlikeshehickenbones”helookedcross”you
shouldntbeplish
anythingthiselikeshesreadytodie”but
hopefelttheurgencyofit”sheisikno；daddyicanfeel
it”
”yourejustscared”
”no；”sheinsisted”itshappening
soigoingtodo”hefrouchcrossnowas
unsure”doyoutodo””itoburyher”he
sinutesheuld
seethathedidntknoanthahedidnt
thinktheheydid
”okay；”hesaid；surprisingher”youcanburyhertherestbea
petceterysohopedidntapet
ceteryshedidnttohavetogodrivingtoseeguinevereshe
edthecatnearby；edguineveretoknohatshewasnearby
”orheforest；”jacksaid；glancingoutthe
window
”souch；hope
thought；nodding
”done；”hesaidandpulledherclose
shedidntsayanythingforanutebecauseherthroathurtagain
thistiitwaswronghedid
understand
thatanthecared
”daddy”shehear”youleaveus
alone；
annoyedhinough；heuldanddoesntwakeupand
youhavetogobacktothecitytoeoostay
here”
”i”
”doyouprose””iprose”shesighed
evenresoftly；allestbitofbreath；shesaid；”ilove
you”hedidntansshefelthischeekagainstthetopofher
head；andinthatinstant；theclocktuedbackandshebelieved
ovedfrohespot
herthenightbeforefrightened；sheleanedclose；
closeenoughsothatthecath”guin”she
hecatscheekhafingertipthe
sllestventagainstherfinger；sheletoutabreath
shedrapedanarightlyaroundthecatandlayclose；thinking；i
loveyou；guinevere；iloveyou；andheardthewhisperofananswering
purrthenitstoppedforseveralnutes；hopedidntve
”guin
”sherokedthecatsheadandedforapurr；
strokedagain；edagainherehing；sheburiedher
headinguineveresolingfurandbegantocry
”hope”jackcalled；ingtothedoor”areyouup”gulping
sobsbubbledupfronside；theyonly
greloser；hopingshewaswrong；hoping
shetersheuldjeelit；agiant
etiness；abighole；ahugealoneness
”sie”hetouchedherhead”hope；isit”hetouchedthe
cat；lefthishandthereanute；andjusthinkingthat
shedidntknosheodobecauseeverythingsheloved
alsaroundherandguinevereboth；and
leanedoverclose
hedidntsayanything；justsatthereshelteringtheandwhen
santhacainaskinghey
goingtodayguineverejustdied”
”iorry；hope；”santhasaid；softlynoloseby
”oldher”totakethebus
today
”hopedidnthearanansartedcryingagain；because
theantha
theonesheedjustthentheonesheedwasholding
hertight
ifanyonehadtoldjackthataandhisfirbr 》
tingfireoplankstobuilda
tinyffinforacat；hettedbutitseed
likethebestthingtodo
hopesatonthegroundnearbyguineverehewashwo
babyafghanthatrachelhadcrochetedandthathopehadslepthfor
thefirsteightyearsofherlifetattersandall；itwasherprized
possessiononceshe；shestoppedcryingshe
heldherbundleasthoughitweregold
jarto
nail
allffinwasfinished；hedugagr
………………………………
第42节
ave；dugdeeperthanwas
probablynecessary；buthedidntalsdiggingitup
beside；itfeltgoodtogoodtobuildupasandbreathe
hard
theexertionalsotiredhiutenoughsothatedher
littlebundleintheffinandhenaileditshut；putitinthehole；
andbeganveringithdirt；hedidntfeelquitesoraw
hopecrieditablejackheldheragainsthissideandlet
hergetitalloutthentheysat；justsatforabitndagainitwas
absurdthelastthingjackhadtiforheforest
onandayinghehadtoshorachel；thendriveon
intothecitytoedtotodothisandhe
hadtoadtthereoit
theysatsidebysidefacingguineveresgraveafterati；ina
voicethatheldthereantsoftears；andreverence；hopesaid；”know
here””nohevieed
”seethroughthetreesthatdropoffthatsthecanyonopening
up
”jackfollohelineofherfingerand；yes；sahedropoff
beyond；givendepthanddistancebyaist；teof
forestgreenshetuedtohopetorerkonitsbeauty；butshehad
shiftedherheadandnarrowedhereyes
”ifyoulookpastit；”shesaid；”ithatlookslikeclouds
isreallyocean”
”hoell””ifthoseheyishgray
orblackishgray
thosearebluishgraycanyousee”actually；heuld
”aughtthatandtolisten”sheckedherhead”doyou
hearit””thesilenceyoubet”
”no；”shesldedallsle”thestrea”helistened
”thatssilence”sheshookherhead
heghthavearguedbutifrachelhadheardastreatherewasa
streahekoquestionitrachelfelttheoutdoorsthat
aboutherin
tuadehiithherforhoursinthedeserth
hiseyesperingofapackrat；
theslitherofasnakehehadheardhefluted
trunkofasaguaro
reeringthatashesathereinthisbreathtakinglylovelyplace；he
hadasenseofighthavegivenupovedto
sanfrancisshelivedandbreathethefreshoutdoorsshe
nnectedanypeopledidntsheknewher
terrain
sohelistenedforthesoundofastreahesoclearhis
earsandlistenedagain；sortingtheoutsidetheflowof
bloodinhisheadandheheardit；afaint；distantshhhhhfartothe
”overthere”hepointed
hopegrinnedandnodded
”hoinutesitrunsdoountainsintothe
oceanive”
”hocrosstheroad””itgoesunderabridgeillshowyou
soti；”shesaid；buthervoicelook
athi
heknehinkingthatoncerachelwokeup；hewouldbegone
butevenifrachelhatveryday；sheillneedhelp
okay；sosheghtnotaroundallthetibutspringwas
fullandsuerapproachingtherehe
ideaofastreaidewalkheldappeal
hesled；feelingthesasenseofanticipationthathehadfelt
drivingbacktobigsurthenightbefore
chapterten
thedrivefroigsurtothehospitalonandaydingtookan
easyfortyfivenutesjackarrivedfeelinglloofind
anotherpatientinrahehurriedtothenextroo
thinkinghehaddeaninnocentstake；butanentirefalyof
griahehadbeenrightthefirstti
hisheartstoppedforthefrato
reasonthathehen；
surgerynearlyasbad
holdinghopeshand；hestrodetothenursesstation”y
ergingfrorootthefar
endoftherridorheheadedtherehhopeintow”wheres
rafroshehad
juste
it；；andseveraleasy
chairskatherinehosechairsrachelwaslyingonher
sidefacingher；andforasplitsend；unabletoseehereyes；jack
thoughtthechangeantshehadwokenup
katherineha**stsleforhope；butherexpressionbeforeand
aftertoldhihatitso
”itsbeenalehels
nditionhasbeensteadytheethedoctorsthoughtshe
uldbeved”jackhadabadfeelingevenafterseparatingit
frouineveresdeath；itstillfeltbad”youneededherspacefor
sooneelse”
”yes；butthatsnotovedhershesstable
herstatsarentchanging”
”butinute
sothinghappened”
”onitoringherfroere；”cindysaidand；yes；hesae
nitors；thesawires
”butthosearentnnectedtothecentraldesk”
”efrohe
door”thisis；”shesaid；
entering
”itsonestepdotheicu
rachelostpatientsget
iediatelyaftersurgery”
”itsonlybeenaened”aboutthat
guyyoupointedoutonthanda
half””hehasheartandlungproblehesnotstablebelieve
；rachelisfarbetteroff
shesfunctioningonherolysteadysheisntgoing
anyasinkingfeelinghoutquiteknos
causethebruiseonthesideofrachelsfaceabbinga
reddishbrohadbeenscraped；tuinggreenhad
beenhitndthestitthecutonherhand
shelookedpalerthanever；though；andthinhethat
shehadneverhadpoundstospare
hopecliedontothebed；tuckedinhers；andsatbyher
thershipshedidntsayanythingafteranute；shegingerly
liftedrachelshandandputitinherlapherheadwasdownshe
slooherselfartedtosniffle；shelifted
rachelshandtoverhertears
jaguinevere；heuthed
sheedandnodded
hetouchedhopesbolystrokingherhairashehadthe
catsfurheething；butdidntknohe
iginedthatlettinghopeknohhersheneeded
st
butthesinkingfeelinginsidehim
………………………………
第43节
he
gesturedkaraintothehall”youregivinguponher；”heaccused
”youretakingheroffthefrontlinebecauseyoudontthinkshes
wakingupforawhile”
”thatsnotitplysayingthatsincetheaccidentwasnearly
aplications；thechancesofone
occurringnoillbeheurseshellch
thenitorsanddosidesidebackrotationseverytwohoursshell
beinherejustasoftenassheee
thisisstandardprotolinalargerhospital；sheghthaveleft
intensivecareevensoonerthefactis；sheisntcritical”
”thefauttered；butretohielf
thantokarashepattedhiselbooffdohehallcindy
andkatherinereplacedher
sincehehadntgottenanyhkara；hetuedoncindy”rachel
islosingisntthatdangerous”cindypushedupherglasses
andlookedba”no；”shesaidsloly；”shes
gettingthenutrientssheneedsthroughadripillhoping
thatshellwakeupsoon”
”iladsooneis；”hesaid；buthissarcasadedfast”itllbe
aonighthoher
feeeks”
”then””ubeitgoesdirectlyinto
thestoch”heaskedafeedingtubewas
longrange；bigtistuff；rightuptherehputtingrachelina
regularrooackedofsettlinginforthelonghaulhehad
donehishoe
hepushedhishandsthroughhishairandtriedtohrougharising
panic”thisisnoteicantacceptthatthisisgoing
togoonforevertherehastobereando”
”ivebeentalkingtopeople；”katherinesaid”thereareother
thingsighttry”thatejack
surehelikedtheideaofkatherialkingtopeopleabouthiswifes
a；butheeenoughtolisten
”usic；
bringinherfavoritefoodthesllghtreachherouldbu
incense”
”ybegettheharishiinhere；too；”hettered
katherinenearlysled”iellslike
theightsnapheroutofit
”jackilesaould
sllthoseell
”henurse
”itcanthurt；”cindysaidasshehadsooftenbeforelookingpast
thespeakingjustahairaboveahing
sile”heresdr
bauer”
”illgovisithhope；”katherinesaid；butbeforesheuldleave；
soonecalledheashelookedpaststevebauer；brokeintoa
grin；andsetofftogreetayoung；goodlookingguywearingpurple
scrubs
chingher；jackuldnthelpbutthinkthatthereethingto
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