othersbedrooshefoundhin
thestudio
hesfoldedhewas
deepinncentration;studyingcanvasesthathehadlineduponthe
oppositesideoftheroo
shestoodquietlybythedoor;tellingherselfthatybesheshould
leaveandebacklaterbutsheneededtotalk
”hi;sie;”hesaidandlookedatherfeet”he
boots
””inrooareyoudoing”sheasked
”lookingatyourthersstuffshesgood”
”areyoureallygoingtofinishherpictures””idontknowas
justathoughtotherbeangrye
ifidid”hopedidntthinksoshehadnteverheardrachelsay
anythingbadaboutjacksaoldhershejustlistening;but
shewas
”daddy””;sorrohink
ysgoingtosjusttakinglongerthanihad
hopeditwould”
”uchtheyreing;tootheyre
pleasedthatshesnotgettinghatifrachel
gettinghenthebadstuffsheodoh
hercatsheraisedherarsothatsheuldrubherfacein
guineveresfuritething
right
”guineveresgettinge
anyreiclap;andshedoesnteventuherheadshesgoingto
diesoon;daddy”hepushedathe;and
rubbedguineverebetheears”issheinpain””noshed
ohroathurtshehadtoforce
the”daddy;llidohoughtfora
nute”youllbesadyoullgrieveforher”that
hopeant”ean;icantjust
throlikeshehickenbones”helookedcross”you
shouldntbeplish
anythingthiselikeshesreadytodie”but
hopefelttheurgencyofit”sheisikno;daddyicanfeel
it”
”yourejustscared”
”no;”sheinsisted”itshappening
soigoingtodo”hefrouchcrossnowas
unsure”doyoutodo””itoburyher”he
sinutesheuld
seethathedidntknoanthahedidnt
thinktheheydid
”okay;”hesaid;surprisingher”youcanburyhertherestbea
petceterysohopedidntapet
ceteryshedidnttohavetogodrivingtoseeguinevereshe
edthecatnearby;edguineveretoknohatshewasnearby
”orheforest;”jacksaid;glancingoutthe
window
”souch;hope
thought;nodding
”done;”hesaidandpulledherclose
shedidntsayanythingforanutebecauseherthroathurtagain
thistiitwaswronghedid
understand
thatanthecared
”daddy”shehear”youleaveus
alone;
annoyedhinough;heuldanddoesntwakeupand
youhavetogobacktothecitytoeoostay
here”
”i”
”doyouprose””iprose”shesighed
evenresoftly;allestbitofbreath;shesaid;”ilove
you”hedidntansshefelthischeekagainstthetopofher
head;andinthatinstant;theclocktuedbackandshebelieved
ovedfrohespot
herthenightbeforefrightened;sheleanedclose;
closeenoughsothatthecath”guin”she
hecatscheekhafingertipthe
sllestventagainstherfinger;sheletoutabreath
shedrapedanarightlyaroundthecatandlayclose;thinking;i
loveyou;guinevere;iloveyou;andheardthewhisperofananswering
purrthenitstoppedforseveralnutes;hopedidntve
”guin
”sherokedthecatsheadandedforapurr;
strokedagain;edagainherehing;sheburiedher
headinguineveresolingfurandbegantocry
”hope”jackcalled;ingtothedoor”areyouup”gulping
sobsbubbledupfronside;theyonly
greloser;hopingshewaswrong;hoping
shetersheuldjeelit;agiant
etiness;abighole;ahugealoneness
”sie”hetouchedherhead”hope;isit”hetouchedthe
cat;lefthishandthereanute;andjusthinkingthat
shedidntknosheodobecauseeverythingsheloved
alsaroundherandguinevereboth;and
leanedoverclose
hedidntsayanything;justsatthereshelteringtheandwhen
santhacainaskinghey
goingtodayguineverejustdied”
”iorry;hope;”santhasaid;softlynoloseby
”oldher”totakethebus
today
”hopedidnthearanansartedcryingagain;because
theantha
theonesheedjustthentheonesheedwasholding
hertight
ifanyonehadtoldjackthataandhisfirbr 》
tingfireoplankstobuilda
tinyffinforacat;hettedbutitseed
likethebestthingtodo
hopesatonthegroundnearbyguineverehewashwo
babyafghanthatrachelhadcrochetedandthathopehadslepthfor
thefirsteightyearsofherlifetattersandall;itwasherprized
possessiononceshe;shestoppedcryingshe
heldherbundleasthoughitweregold
jarto
nail
allffinwasfinished;hedugagr
………………………………
第42节
ave;dugdeeperthanwas
probablynecessary;buthedidntalsdiggingitup
beside;itfeltgoodtogoodtobuildupasandbreathe
hard
theexertionalsotiredhiutenoughsothatedher
littlebundleintheffinandhenaileditshut;putitinthehole;
andbeganveringithdirt;hedidntfeelquitesoraw
hopecrieditablejackheldheragainsthissideandlet
hergetitalloutthentheysat;justsatforabitndagainitwas
absurdthelastthingjackhadtiforheforest
onandayinghehadtoshorachel;thendriveon
intothecitytoedtotodothisandhe
hadtoadtthereoit
theysatsidebysidefacingguineveresgraveafterati;ina
voicethatheldthereantsoftears;andreverence;hopesaid;”know
here””nohevieed
”seethroughthetreesthatdropoffthatsthecanyonopening
up
”jackfollohelineofherfingerand;yes;sahedropoff
beyond;givendepthanddistancebyaist;teof
forestgreenshetuedtohopetorerkonitsbeauty;butshehad
shiftedherheadandnarrowedhereyes
”ifyoulookpastit;”shesaid;”ithatlookslikeclouds
isreallyocean”
”hoell””ifthoseheyishgray
orblackishgray
thosearebluishgraycanyousee”actually;heuld
”aughtthatandtolisten”sheckedherhead”doyou
hearit””thesilenceyoubet”
”no;”shesldedallsle”thestrea”helistened
”thatssilence”sheshookherhead
heghthavearguedbutifrachelhadheardastreatherewasa
streahekoquestionitrachelfelttheoutdoorsthat
aboutherin
tuadehiithherforhoursinthedeserth
hiseyesperingofapackrat;
theslitherofasnakehehadheardhefluted
trunkofasaguaro
reeringthatashesathereinthisbreathtakinglylovelyplace;he
hadasenseofighthavegivenupovedto
sanfrancisshelivedandbreathethefreshoutdoorsshe
nnectedanypeopledidntsheknewher
terrain
sohelistenedforthesoundofastreahesoclearhis
earsandlistenedagain;sortingtheoutsidetheflowof
bloodinhisheadandheheardit;afaint;distantshhhhhfartothe
”overthere”hepointed
hopegrinnedandnodded
”hoinutesitrunsdoountainsintothe
oceanive”
”hocrosstheroad””itgoesunderabridgeillshowyou
soti;”shesaid;buthervoicelook
athi
heknehinkingthatoncerachelwokeup;hewouldbegone
butevenifrachelhatveryday;sheillneedhelp
okay;sosheghtnotaroundallthetibutspringwas
fullandsuerapproachingtherehe
ideaofastreaidewalkheldappeal
hesled;feelingthesasenseofanticipationthathehadfelt
drivingbacktobigsurthenightbefore
chapterten
thedrivefroigsurtothehospitalonandaydingtookan
easyfortyfivenutesjackarrivedfeelinglloofind
anotherpatientinrahehurriedtothenextroo
thinkinghehaddeaninnocentstake;butanentirefalyof
griahehadbeenrightthefirstti
hisheartstoppedforthefrato
reasonthathehen;
surgerynearlyasbad
holdinghopeshand;hestrodetothenursesstation”y
ergingfrorootthefar
endoftherridorheheadedtherehhopeintow”wheres
rafroshehad
juste
it;;andseveraleasy
chairskatherinehosechairsrachelwaslyingonher
sidefacingher;andforasplitsend;unabletoseehereyes;jack
thoughtthechangeantshehadwokenup
katherineha**stsleforhope;butherexpressionbeforeand
aftertoldhihatitso
”itsbeenalehels
nditionhasbeensteadytheethedoctorsthoughtshe
uldbeved”jackhadabadfeelingevenafterseparatingit
frouineveresdeath;itstillfeltbad”youneededherspacefor
sooneelse”
”yes;butthatsnotovedhershesstable
herstatsarentchanging”
”butinute
sothinghappened”
”onitoringherfroere;”cindysaidand;yes;hesae
nitors;thesawires
”butthosearentnnectedtothecentraldesk”
”efrohe
door”thisis;”shesaid;
entering
”itsonestepdotheicu
rachelostpatientsget
iediatelyaftersurgery”
”itsonlybeenaened”aboutthat
guyyoupointedoutonthanda
half””hehasheartandlungproblehesnotstablebelieve
;rachelisfarbetteroff
shesfunctioningonherolysteadysheisntgoing
anyasinkingfeelinghoutquiteknos
causethebruiseonthesideofrachelsfaceabbinga
reddishbrohadbeenscraped;tuinggreenhad
beenhitndthestitthecutonherhand
shelookedpalerthanever;though;andthinhethat
shehadneverhadpoundstospare
hopecliedontothebed;tuckedinhers;andsatbyher
thershipshedidntsayanythingafteranute;shegingerly
liftedrachelshandandputitinherlapherheadwasdownshe
slooherselfartedtosniffle;shelifted
rachelshandtoverhertears
jaguinevere;heuthed
sheedandnodded
hetouchedhopesbolystrokingherhairashehadthe
catsfurheething;butdidntknohe
iginedthatlettinghopeknohhersheneeded
st
butthesinkingfeelinginsidehim
………………………………
第43节
he
gesturedkaraintothehall”youregivinguponher;”heaccused
”youretakingheroffthefrontlinebecauseyoudontthinkshes
wakingupforawhile”
”thatsnotitplysayingthatsincetheaccidentwasnearly
aplications;thechancesofone
occurringnoillbeheurseshellch
thenitorsanddosidesidebackrotationseverytwohoursshell
beinherejustasoftenassheee
thisisstandardprotolinalargerhospital;sheghthaveleft
intensivecareevensoonerthefactis;sheisntcritical”
”thefauttered;butretohielf
thantokarashepattedhiselbooffdohehallcindy
andkatherinereplacedher
sincehehadntgottenanyhkara;hetuedoncindy”rachel
islosingisntthatdangerous”cindypushedupherglasses
andlookedba”no;”shesaidsloly;”shes
gettingthenutrientssheneedsthroughadripillhoping
thatshellwakeupsoon”
”iladsooneis;”hesaid;buthissarcasadedfast”itllbe
aonighthoher
feeeks”
”then””ubeitgoesdirectlyinto
thestoch”heaskedafeedingtubewas
longrange;bigtistuff;rightuptherehputtingrachelina
regularrooackedofsettlinginforthelonghaulhehad
donehishoe
hepushedhishandsthroughhishairandtriedtohrougharising
panic”thisisnoteicantacceptthatthisisgoing
togoonforevertherehastobereando”
”ivebeentalkingtopeople;”katherinesaid”thereareother
thingsighttry”thatejack
surehelikedtheideaofkatherialkingtopeopleabouthiswifes
a;butheeenoughtolisten
”usic;
bringinherfavoritefoodthesllghtreachherouldbu
incense”
”ybegettheharishiinhere;too;”hettered
katherinenearlysled”iellslike
theightsnapheroutofit
”jackilesaould
sllthoseell
”henurse
”itcanthurt;”cindysaidasshehadsooftenbeforelookingpast
thespeakingjustahairaboveahing
sile”heresdr
bauer”
”illgovisithhope;”katherinesaid;butbeforesheuldleave;
soonecalledheashelookedpaststevebauer;brokeintoa
grin;andsetofftogreetayoung;goodlookingguywearingpurple
scrubs
chingher;jackuldnthelpbutthinkthatthereethingto
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