sheshookherhead”ijustdranktooch”
”e”shebegantocry”heedodothings蘒
didnt”jacksheartached”goodgirl；”hesaid；softlystill
leaningover；hepressedakisstothecrohentued
thee
hedrovetobigsursloethehourthecar
seedasafeplacebetanthahadbeenand
eforst
ofthedrive；santhahuddledunderhisjacketandslept；andit
seedanaturalthingtodohthefogrollinginhetouchedher
headeveryfeinuteshetoldhertotellhifshefeltsickand
ainedclosedandherbreathingeven
shedidntlookdrunkshenvulsing；andtheirred
everysooftensuggestedsleep；notunnsciousnessheuldtell
thatshehadthroedshehadlosteverhadnt
alreadydeitintoherbloodstreaheguessedthatanner
ofsicksheodoh
………………………………
第72节
heartaswellasbody
heedtodothingsididnt；shehadsaid；andithauntedjack；ate
athisstoch；ightbebuthedidntaskhe
reeredbeinggrilledbyhisfatheranthasage
orse；reeredhissisterbeinggrilledbyhisfather；guiltyuntil
proveninnocentjackantha
so；healteativesilencejackhadbeentaughtsilencebya
fathereandatherhedissension
rachelhadbeentaughtitbyatherhingabout
everythingetra
nfinent；talkingatlengthandepassed
andoldhabitsretuedyes；thathadhappenedhesawhe
understoodbutsilenceantha
theyuldntshadhappenedundertherugtherehadtobe
talk
e；hewhilesheshowered；he
staredoutattheforestthroughthelivingroolass；wondering
edshedidntneeda
hospitalifheinsisted；hebelieveher；
didnttrustherituation
theetogetintobed；then
toherroookesureshehedidnttuonthe
light
afteranute；headjustedtothedarkanddehisoherbed
theellofistearth；leaves；and
barkdriftedinitiliarfort
santhahadthequiltuptoherchinifshehadbeensleepinghe
；buthereyeshehunkereddownby
herface
”ineedtoknoost；”hesaidgently；”isherhe
touchedyouinhave”hesurehoo
askthetruthanthahad
beenavirgintobeginh
shedidntansfirstsohesaid；”ifitwasrape”no”
”daterape”
”no”heore；hesaid；”talk
to；saicaredyoureupsetito
help”
afteranotheute；hesaid；”ifyourtherwashere；shedbedoing
shedbesittingrightheretalkingtoyouitsnot
pryingitsnotaakesure
thatyoudontneeddicalcare；orthatneedlegalhelp
butihavetotellyou；”headdedalllaugh；”illstrangle
theguyifherapedyou”
”hedidnt；”shewhispered
”butyouendedupaloneinaphoneboothintheddleoftown”he
triedtoteaseherintotalking”ehappenedi
an；asysensitiveearscantake”sheclosed
hereyesoear；thenanotherslidoutofthedooershe
feltthepainofeachoveredherfacehahandandbroke
intolong；deepsobs；hefeltthat；tooeltitinhelplessness；
inadequacy；andfear
heherehedidntknootalktoa
fifteenyearoldgirlthisanstuff
butrachelightnotbeforalike
thatthought；butitantha
toleavethatseedsignificant
sittingbackonhisheels；hentinuedtostrokeherheaduntilher
cryingsloabreath”itobeyour
ageforalltheteainchina”shesniffled”””itsin
beteered”youarentachild
anyre；soyoucantjustplayandbecuteandplayduhings
gohingsyoufeelgro
yourenotthateitheryouakethekindof
neyyoutospend；andyoucantdoyou
it；eventhoughthatsjustyoutodoyoureexpectedtodo
alotofgrouffbecauseyouneedtheexperience；onlyyoudont
havetheexperieneyoudontknointhehell
youredoingnoidliketobetysevenagainbutfifteen
notonyourlife”vtvut44rdajgvb”about
to”santhastarted
tocryagain
hevedhishandonherhead
”ineedher”
”iknosheisnthere；sootrytohis
throughtogethertheeabouttonightor
doyouself；buthe
wasallkeyedup
shegrunted”isleptinthecariotsleepynohought
aboutputtingalightonbutthereethingaboutthefoggy
dark；sothingsodenseastobeabuffer”tell；thenito
hear”
”thatsbecauseyouloveknoaloseri
a”
fiercely；hesaid；”youarentaloserifyouillbeat
sopartyakingfoolsoftheelves；drinkingandlaughing
atnothinganddancingontablesandtakingofftheirclothesher
eyeshere；sie
yoursicybedifferentfronehereare
rebeerlabelstothesedays；buthunnaturehasnt
changedch”
”didyoukno
toknoe；though”
”youdidntlikehi”
”hoeventellyouhotyyoulookedandyou
lookedpretty；sarettier；idbet；thansteveryoneatthat
pro
sodidhejustleaveyouatthephonebooth；or””iran
thereheebackto
theparty”
”niceguy；”jackttered；butuldntleaveitatthat”ifhewas
ol；hedhavefolloeifhewasreally
ol；hedhavekepthishandstohielfinthefirstplaceyourea
nor
alkingstatutoryrape”
”itdidntgetthatfarbesides；it；
alittle”vrljaanthashandand
kissedititslledofsoap；goodandcleanandhealthyquietly；
hesaid；”lettinghialittle；isokayaslongasyoutrusttheguy
andthereisntboozeinvolvediuessingthereorethan
beer”
”punch”
”spikedhvodka”denyit；hesaid；”that
deyousibisthatifyouhavevodkafirst；the
beersokaybeerfirst；andvodkaakeyousi
notsayingdrinkingsallrightitisntdrinkingkespeopledo
duthings
itkestheotragiell
anythingonteaguehereartdrinkingwas
hedrinkinginthetruckattheen
………………………………
第73节
dthere；hat
splitsend；jackheardhisfathersvoiceinthenextsend；he
regainedntrolofhielf”dontansly
”itsoveranddoneandybeishouldntbetellingyouhoodrink
andhoessageonly；
kidsdodrinksotis；andifiyousafe；youneedtoknow
knohekeyitsrightuptherehexperience”he
paused”see；thedohatyoureheld
acuntableforyouractionsokay；soyourapedyouuld
havebeenkilledifteaguecrashedthetruckyouuldhavediedof
alholpoisoning；oranoverdoseofsothingthatsooneslipped
intothatpunchsooneelseuldhavediedthatsthekindof
thingyoucarryhyouallyourlifeidontthatforyou；
santhaireallydontabigpartofgrowingupisleaingwhen
tobecautiousitsrealizingthattherearensequencesto
everythingyoudo”sheforsolongthathewonderedifshe
hadfallenasleep；andpartofhieltthathe
notehehadendedon
forafatherddlinghishrough；hedoingsobad
heshouldhaveknoter
inthesaquiet；verygroanthaasked；
”hohatfitinhthedivorceareyouacuntablefor
youraarriage；too”itinutebeforehesaid；
”yes”
”thenyouaccepttheblaforthat””noittakestakea
rriage；andtobreakit”hhopesaidrachelhad
said；andquiteanadssiononhispart
tedthebreakupoftherriageon
rachelsheheone
only；herleavingsanfrancisptonotacauseheuld
ncedethatnoay
havebeenabandonedinthebroadestsenseheyhaveputhiswork
first
”buthoanthaasked；andthere
earsinhervoiceageun
””
”youdid；”shecriedencethatrendedhif
sothing
katherinehadsaidthatshehthedivorcekatherine
ghtberight”youdidntargueaboutit；youjustsplit；”she
charged”hestory”hesureheshould
say；notanthasoundedlikesheneededan
ansotherdidnt
ethataybeneededdifferentthingsi
iedtothecitybecauseofhathelastplaceyour
theredtobe”
”thenitighthavesaidthat；
ghthaveboileddohecauseofthebreaktoait
oreplexhesahatnow
”placeptofotherthings”
”butyoulovedher”
”yes”
”doyoustill”hethoughtaboutthehandaroundtheheartfeelinghe
experiencedeveryday
”probably”
”soyoufighttokeepherithit
”yesyes”
”ikeptthinkingaboutthateget
ikeptthinkingyoue；especially
”
”areyoucrazy”i”see”shecried”youdneversaythatto
hope”
”no；idsayotherthingstohope；becausehopeandyouaredifferent
peopledifferentnotbetterorworse”
”sheslovableandiot”
”butidoloveyou”
”iotlovableisaytooch”
”thatsoneofthethingsthatkesyoulovableialwaysknohere
istandthatsarealplusinarelationshiphonesty
trust
easeetise；butthats
bene；andyouletkno
being
being””old”hesighed”iguessso；see；alk
aboutthat；too”shetuedontoherbackandstaredatthe
ceiling
”iuldnttalktoteaguenottheedtoiwasafraid
hedthinkiwasakid”
”teagues”
”ithoughtheuchiknow”
”youkheguyhingsstarted
togetoutofntroldidntyou”instantly
ansontsdoubt”thetruth；sadidnt
you
or；”hepushedhielftosay；”dootalkaboutthefactsof
life”sheshothiglance”lreadyhas；butididntdoit
hteagueheedtothat”
”seeyouleaedthatsgrowrong
anthastartedcrying
again
；herolledherright
back
”talkitout；soff；
sonondiandheather；because
teaguesthavegonebanot
goingtobeabletoshoyfasuch
**up”
”nono；yourenot”butsheessedup；
justlikeissedupifithadntbeenfor；she
havehadtheaccident”
”hohat””thatafteoon”
”happenedintheafteoonhasnothingtodo”itdoes；because
shehinkingaboutthefightandbroughtherbooktothestudio；
andifshehadnthadtogetittherelater；shethe
houseearlier”
”dontdothat；sa”heo”
”havetoedoyouthinkithasntoccurredto
thatifidbeenaroundreforyourtherinsanfrancis；she
oveddooved
dobeinthathospitalbutitdoesntdoany
goodtothinkthatsdone
oveotyourfaultorfault；butthefaultoftheanwhowas
drivingtheothercar”
”shesdead；isntshe”hefiguredthatifsanthawasoldenough
todrinkbeerandvodkaanddogodknehaboyshednever
datedbefore；sheoknohetruth”yesshes
dead
soeher；ande
usodootherwakeupandwe
havetooveforwardhere
ithinkyoushouldcalllydialater”
”icantshesnotgoingtoeio
her””youuldapologize”
”thatwork”
”””because”
”thatsnotarealansanthatryagain”
”sheeback”
”doyouyfriend”
”resothanpasanthathoughtaboutthat”yesifeelsafer
w
………………………………
第74节
ithlydia”
”tellherthat”speak；hesaid；”thatsyour
strength；expressingyourselfitsaprenot
everyonehasittakesinsidetodoitiknoshard；butthe
iortantthingsinlifeareyouhavetoputyourselfoutthereand
riskthepossibilitythatshesfeelingsohurtthatsheany
partofyou；butidontthinkthatllhappenlydiastrikesasa
forgivingperson”santhastartedtocryagain
”shoughttheyhaditall
”iss”feelingaoothedthehairback
froerface
”；too；”hesaidandrealizedthathedid；verych
hentinuedtostrokeherhairuntilshequietedthenheheard
sothingothesoundedlikerainonlyit
raining
santhacaupbesidehi”itsfogfeet”
fogfeetthathadtobearachelexpression
”itslike；”shesaid；”akesnoise
vingthroughtheforest”helookedather”togooutside
nhyoufeellousy”
”illgo；”shesaid
sotheyantha
inheightgotheyhbarefootedrazy；jack
kneehoportant
theydidntgofar；justtoalevelspothetreetrunksroseand
narroretchedtohatspahe
sky
theydidntve；didntspeaktheyfelttheistureontheirfaces；
agentlecurative；andlistenedtothesteady；soothingsoundoffog
feet；anditoccurredtojackthatthis；standinghereh
hisdaughter；afterthenightthathadbeenhetriedtothinkofwhen
hehadlastfeltasnt
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